Ask Clay Anything: Should I Work with My Wife?

Audio Transcription

Have you ever struggled to work with your significant other? Dr. Zoellner and business coach Clay Clark break down the ins and outs of working with your spouse.

Show Notes –

1. Doctor Zoellner – Absolutely… especially during the early days of the business as you are trying to start and grow it.
   1. Have date night and DO NOT talk about business on that date.
   2. Have an exit strategy planned out from the beginning.
   3. When working with other family members, you must make sure they do not feel unfireable and have a sense of entitlement.  
2. Clay – You must agree on the boundaries of what each person is going to do.
   1. Define your goals and roles.
   2. Assign the lanes you will each be working in and stay in them.
3. Marshall Morris – You must decide when the business day is over and family time begins.
   1. Put it on your schedule and live by it
4. Wes Carter – Don’t work in the same space in the business. Separate yourself from each other so that it is not a constant.

A thriver had the courage to email us a difficult question before, but one that seems to never get ahold of him. So should I work with my wife, but before we get into that subject see that subject could get us all four and small water. So before I answer that subject I would like to, I would like to ask you a business coach question that is, that is less controversial, but first I have a question for wes carter the legal eagle. Harvey weinstein or hobby harvey weinstein. What’s the name what’s going on, if you’re jewish, for not so the guy who basically started the first guy, that came out that he was pressuring women, you know and taking advantage of him harassing them that kind of thing before matt lauer before I was there, people that little display founder of the me-too movement. Why did weinstein or weinstein? I think he or wilt chamberlain would have a harder time getting into heaven. Martial arts? Oh, my goodness, that’s a tough business coach question, but as it stands as it stands, I think it be harder for harvey to get into heaven if there was if there was the media like it is now back when wilt chamberlain was playing basketball absolutely harder for will what you have done there, as you have indicated, really a lack of of attacked a class discernment. You realize that wilt chamberlain in the atlantic it came out that he was bragging about having had a relationship with having relations okay, having horizontal activity with 20,000 women. To do it during his career, he had to schedule nightly plans double night because he had a goal to get to 20. That is like his. What he claims to have been his relationships could fill up the be okay cuz. It be okay with 15,000, with it 1718. I think around the door up to be okay, if, if all of his affairs that he allegedly had all showed all his relationship to they said hey, if you have, I done to duty with will please show up here. So weinstein heather weinstein’s had what’s like 50 women and depression of this guy is, like I mean so you’re, assuming that will to have the pressure on your talk about it and be a rockstar verse.

Have you seen a picture of harvey? I mean, let me see a picture of wilt away.. We get into the difficult question come from. Oh my goodness, fast guys are done. Sugar should blood sugar’s down to nothing. Is your wife crazy? Absolutely yes, looking for. Of time at the start of a business, your your spouse and it’s called the spouse, because there’s a lot of mom mom premieres out there, entrepreneurs mom-mom intrapreneurs, is our mom is bringing the bring home. The business coach bacon lot of mom’s starting up. We’ve got way more mentors on our thrive if you go to thrive time, show.Com and get onto our business school when barlay demon, doors, Jill Donovan start a rustic cuff tear the other day is good buddy of mine, and I said how many days a week. Are you working on your business at u-verse, the rustic cuffs, and it’s about how you know what he said about 50-50 now you know so he helps out on the rustic upside and he also helped on his own side and it’s too they’re married and they’re working together did a great job. I think what you have to do to work with your wife is going into it. You have to agree to a relationship. You agree on the boundaries of what you’re going to do. What you’re not – and I see a lot of entrepreneurs screw this part up where they’re bringing their wife in who she has a very brilliant marketing, mind they bring her into an accounting meeting or vice versa, the bringing somebody whose baby is a brilliant sale strategist and they bring him in to talk about accounting or whatever, and so you want to make sure you have those goals and rolls and agree on those two we could just like with any employee.

Otherwise, it gets weird. I see a lot of employees to bring her spouse into beings, they don’t need to be in. They talk in circles and it’s always a weird conundrum when the spouse shows up knows nothing really of the depth of the business, but because they feel like they own half of it. I e because they are and marital relations with the person that started it. So technically, right westland, she signed a form up front to me. Nae, you know by the community property, so they feel like take the owner and they come in as an older than they can do. Man certain things be done. They can the band certain ways about things until I think I think it’s that’s where we will go off. The train is when they they come in and they start assuming rolls in good condition that they don’t have any money right doing it. Marshall is business coach, clients that are couples. He doesn’t right now he’s done in the past, so this is what this is. Why I hear from my client said that are couples and then they do include their they’re. Both spouses is part of it. Okay, clay – and I want to ask you this question: if you, your husband and wife, okay are working on a business and you maybe have one employee to employees. How do you decide when the end of the work day is and when the like a personal life begins? How do you delineate when you stopped working in begin? Just a that’s a great question and it’s a question that I will get it I’ll answer, but I just want to make sure that business coach client and legal eagle Wes Carter can pile in on this.

I want to see if there might be okay clock out clock, doing voice overs. What’s a perfectly there blood sugar’s down fasting break, the I I mean is, I did not do a good job in the first decade of my marriage at all, because for me, work has always been and probably always will be. Vacation and vacation is work. So on a weekend I just don’t know what to do honestly. So, like i, my wife have a green on boundaries now button. So now it’s like I went to atwoods. I went to the store over there by 91st and sheridan to buy pinon wood at walmart and target had to return some jeans for her pick up. Some I’ll just run around doing things with the kids, but if I ever have down time, I don’t know what to do. I just struggle with like hey: let’s go to the park, cuz, it’s a kid. I hate to go to the park, so I was going to do my get back to my business coach job and so for me, it’s just about sending those boundaries and I didn’t do it the first 10 years of my marriage. I really screwed up a lot, and so now we’ve been married 17 years and I can go back and talk to myself, I would have said: go out of the office leave the office go talk to your wife and not about business is either out to dinner. I’m like bringing up a business issue, they were getting into like a discussion and get a date tonight, that’s what it was a date night, no talking business.. That was his power. It’s powerful! That’s one of the date night rules. You do not talk about business, so I’m talking about your well anyway back to use it to find roles and goals, and you and I always always recommend yes at exit strategy put up front, hey baby. You know, I’m really. You know how you here today.

I need your help right now, we’re start with growing, but soon as I can hire those two peoples whose I can have the three people, you know what you can go back to doing your thing you want to do you put in place. That’s a great idea. I would also add, what’s been useful in many times I’ve seen, is you don’t work in the same space in the business? Sometimes you just get tired of looking at each other after 8 hours at work all the days at home. So if you can figure out a way, we are both contributing to the business, but not necessarily working and dealing with each other all day right. It helps avoid those nerves getting frayed and talk, saying stuff at work that gets the right right. Now. Business after working with me faithfully four five, six years in a company my dad took over and see when you were there. You know my dad was doing accounting but never see my wife come back in and what counting and what are things we do and if we have to have like a business coach budget discussion, I literally will schedule that before 1 cuz. I don’t want to get into an argument. You know, after one I argue with a mini members of the team not every day, but if you are passionate and you want to win Tom Brady bill belichick, you know what they do. They argue sometimes not all the time is the respectful thing or not cursing each other out, but sometimes there’s a disagreement and sure, but he has to be the chief. And if it was that cheap moment where she had to be the chief of accounting right into the chief of marketing, you, knowing you got to kind of, you want to go to laissez-faire, see a little bit of downtime to buffer when you’re home.

And so I would recommend I highly recommend that you just schedule pacific time if you have to have those difficult conversations and be firm about it. Cuz your marriage can absolutely work rate within a business but just implement these moves. I want to ask us cuz you’re, an attorney and the subconscious mind importing according to the napoleon hill and according to psychology today, did you read about the human mind says that lot of times when people are sleeping will come up with business coach answers to things will be thinking about a case for thinking about project and then you might go to bed and wake up on monday and all my gosh. I know how to do this or I know the answer or so do you and I know, there’s the attorney-client privilege you’re not going to talk openly about the details of a case with your wife or whatever. But how do you do the bounce, bounce ideas off your wife sometimes or do you kind of have a completely separate you and your wife and your separate you at the profession from the home? How do we keep it pretty stuff? For my wife, she’s been a paralegal at my firm in a pass for a couple years ago. We had kids, so I miss you understand is the business, but she has no interest in it. So if I start talking about a case and all I got this and this deal – and I just see your glaze over and I’m like just change the subject and talk about the big chill enjoy talking about cuz just has no interest there. We have no idea what you going to ask cuz right now. I so I don’t presumptions, but do you have a question today? That’s going to ask about other family members working for you also, if you are then I’ll, wait for that segment, but you’re right. I like to be touched on that hire your brother right when I got family members talk about other family members, because I’ve had a lot of family members work for me when I go and I’ve had to let them go set some of them.

Some of them do a good job, so we might have to have tough conversations with it. So it’s difficult. You know, you know you have a certain sense of loyalty. You know you have never. Once I had my controller. Wasn’t aunt and I laughed I’d. Look at it to double is the state of the family, but really what happened his family can be difficult to because they can be. They can have a sense of entitlement on fire ability on fire ability that they carry on them. That makes it very difficult for them to be the employee. You want them to be. I see it all the time in the nfl. There’s a quarterback who’s, clearly, no longer good, but they don’t to let it go, and so you saw that this year with the manning. You know, how are the giants he just isn’t doing well, and it’s kind of like this dude is not doing well. We should probably bring any younger guy to let him start or something obviously were losing at all the games. We should probably but it’s like yeah but he’s family’s, been the face of the franchise and you can’t make those pragmatic decisions when you’re clouded by emotions. So I think, when we hire family go into it with the mindset that if I fire this person how’s it going to happen and maybe even pre fire them have the discussion. If I have to fire you, this is how it’s going to happen, and I’m not a very difficult to georgia with family or your partner’s kids, because watching someone dress down your own child is a totally different emotional experience than a brother or sister alike. That’s an adult, so that’s something to be very careful with that’s right back where to be answering the other question from the thrive nation. We just how do I write somebody up, hold them accountable and how do I fire people in this litigious world? How do you write someone up hold of a candle in fire?