How to Deal with Life When Bad Things Happen

Audio Transcription

As an entrepreneur and business owner you are going to deal with endless adversity and constant struggles and if you live long enough something terrible is definitely going to happen. During today’s broadcast of the Thrive Time Business Coach Radio Show, Clay Clark teaches the system that he has developed to help him overcome adversity and to deal with Grief.

Fun Fact: Terrible Things in Life That 100% For Sure Are Going to Happen if You Live Long Enough

Ample Examples:
1. Sickness
2. Dad Dies of ALS
3. Best Friend Killed
4. Son Born Blind
5. Get Sued by Employee Who Fakes an Injury
6. Employees Quit and When They Are Scheduled for a Wedding, Thus You Miss the Wedding and Get Sued

Clay’s father Thom Clark passed away after losing his battle with ALS in 2016, but before he left Earth he left his family the following videos:

Words encouragement for his sons:

Thom Clark stories:

A Message for Scarlett:

A Message for Aubrey Napoleon-Hill Clark:

A Message for Havana Clark:

A Message for Laya Clark:

A Message for Angelina Clark:

Notable Quotable – “If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie (Best-selling

Notable Quotable – “Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” – Dale Carnegie (Best-selling author of How to Win Friends and Influence People)

Ample Examples:
1. Abraham Lincoln – Shot to death while fighting to end slavery
2. Martin Luther King, Jr. – Shot to death while fighting for equality
3. Jesus – Killed at age 33 for dying for man’s sins
4. Steve Jobs – Fighting through nerdom, and flash technology to make technology to make computers more usable by the average human (ipods, personal computers, smartphones, ipads)
5. Larry and Sergey – Making information easy findable during the digital age…while essentially forcing every person on the planet to modify their website to comply with their rules

FUN FACT – How Did the Apostles Die – National Graphic
1. John: John was the only one of the original disciples not to die a violent death. Instead, he passed away peacefully in Patmos in his old age, sometime around 100 AD.
2. Philip: Philip, the first of Jesus’ disciples, became a missionary in Asia. Eventually, he traveled to the Egyptian city of Heliopolis, where he was whipped and flogged, thrown into prison, and crucified in 54 AD.
3. Bartholomew preached in several countries, including India, where he translated the Gospel of Matthew for believers. People beat Bartholomew and then crucified him, while in another, he was skinned alive and then beheaded.
4. Thomas: Apparently Thomas preached the gospel in Greece and India, where he angered local religious authorities, who martyred him by stabbing him with a spear.
5. Matthew: According to legend, the former tax collector turned missionary was martyred in Ethiopia, he was ==reported to have been stabbed in the back by an swordsman sent by King Hertacus, after he criticized the king’s morals.
6. James (son of Alphaeus, AKA James the Less): According to Foxe, James, who was elected by his fellow believers to head the churches of Jerusalem, was one of the longest-lived apostles, perhaps exceeded only by John. At the age of 94, he was beaten and stoned by persecutors, and then killed him by hitting him in the head with a club.
7. Thaddaeus, AKA Lebbaeus, Judas or Jude: According to several stories, he was crucified at Edessa (the name of cities in both Turkey and Greece) in 72 AD.
8. Simon the Canaanite AKA the Zealot: Simon preached in Mauritania on the west coast of Africa, and then went to England, where he was crucified in 74 AD.
9. Judas Iscariot: According to Matthew 27:3-6, the treacherous apostle quickly felt remorse over his betrayal of Jesus and went to the Temple to recant. When the high priests ignored his plea, he threw down the 30 pieces of silver that he had been paid, and went off and hanged himself. But Acts 1:15-20, gives a different and even grislier version of Judas’ demise. He says that Judas used the blood money to purchase a piece of land and then fell headlong from a high place there, so that “he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out.” Jerusalem residents subsequently named the place Aceldama, which means “the field of blood.”

SUPER MOVE #1 – Give Yourself an Allotted Amount of Time

NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie

DEFINITION – Lament – To express grief for or about; mourn: lament a death.

NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

OneRepublic – Fear

Lyrics: No sleep, Today
Can’t even rest when the suns down
No time=, There’s not enough
And nobody’s watching me now

When we were children we’d play
Out in the streets just dipped in fate
When we were children we’d say
That we don’t know the meaning of
Fear, fear, fear
Fear, fear, fear
We don’t know the meaning of..

When we were children we’d play
Out in the streets just dipped in fate
When we were children we’d say
That we don’t know the meaning of
Fear, fear, fear
Fear, fear, fear
We don’t know the meaning of..

Wish I
Didn’t know the meaning of..

SUPER MOVE #2 – Reflect On the What Was Lost. There is a purpose to it all.

NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” – Matthew 5:10

Ecclesiastes Chapter 3:
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
He hath made everything beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.
And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.
I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.
That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.
And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there.
I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.

SUPER MOVE #3 – Identify Learning Opportunities

NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.” – Napoleon Hill (Best-selling self-help author of all time befor e Jack Canfield sold $123 million Chicken Soup for the Soul books)
People are remembered for the adversity they overcome:

AMPLE EXAMPLE:
1. Abraham Lincoln – Shot to death while fighting to end slavery
2. Martin Luther King, Jr. – Shot to death while fighting for equality
3. Jesus – Killed at age 33 for dying for man’s sins
4. Steve Jobs – Fighting through nerdom, and flash technology to make technology to make computers more usable by the average human (ipods, personal computers, smartphones, ipads)
5. Larry and Sergey – Making information easy findable during the digital age…while essentially forcing every person on the planet to modify their website to comply with their rules

SUPER MOVE #4 – Edify the Deserving People Involved

The Beatles – Here Comes The Sun

Definition – Edify – Instructive or informative in a way that improves the mind or character

NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” – Maya Angelou

SUPER MOVE #5 – Firmly Commit to Move On

How long it takes you to rebound and to move on will determine the cap on your success.
Does it take you 30 seconds to get over things or 30 years?…do you ever get over things.

NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

SUPER MOVE #6 – Be Intentional About Who Has Access to You

Notable Quotable – “Everyone has the right to make his own decisions, but none has the right to force his decision on others.” ― Ayn Rand, The Early Ayn Rand: A Selection from Her Unpublished

SUPER MOVE #7 – Let it Be

SUPER MOVE #8 – View Everyday as a Gift

Psalm 118:24 – “This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.”

“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.” – Steve Jobs

NOTABLE QUOTABLE -“You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” – Brian Tracy

NOTABLE QUOTABLE – “Get Better, Don’t Get Bitter.” – Clifton Taulbert

Transcription:

Broadcasting live from the center of the universe. It’S business school without the BS featuring optometrist turned entrepreneur. Dr. Robert zoellner with us SBA entrepreneur of the Year and business coach clay Clark. Welcome to the Thrive time show on talk. Radio 1170 show on your radio. Typically, I start the show. We we start the radio shows, with kind of upbeat, introduction and Assam Holly, motivational or music, that’s kind of kind of Stir It Up and bring some entertainment to the to the conversation. But today I feel like it was inappropriate to start the radio show with her normal Hype music, because today we’re talking about a subject that is subject. A lot of Thrivers have asked about me personally at our Workshop. That kind of pulled me aside and they’ve said hit you. How do you? How do you deal with life? You know when, when bad things, happen, how do you deal with these these terrible things that happen? How do you do it cuz? If you want to learn how to build a successful company doctors  Z on – and I can definitely teach you how to do that – business coach  it’s not that hard between he and I we built 13 multimillion-dollar companies and you can do it too. So if you want to learn how to do it, get out to our workshop and business coach  will teach – you specifically had to do that, but there’s there’s their life that happens beyond that. There’S there’s life to tap into the business. The whole point of a business’s and having a business coach is to build a company or a system organization that serves you at least that’s what are our world and so for elephant in the room. You know I mean that the company is doing very well and it pays me a great income and I’m very happy for it. I mean I’m very thankful for it, but how do you deal with with life? I mean: how do you deal with the stuff? That happens outside of the business. You know once you have the financial Freedom, the time, Freedom. How do you deal with with sickness how? Do you? How do you deal with? Knowing that your dad, I’m just telling you my personal examples, I’m going put myself out there and the Only Rule is that you can’t you can’t make fun of me. You can you can you can just don’t make fun of me, because I I used to stutter as a kid and when you stutter is a kid people love to make fun of you, and so I have kind of become sort of an American Honey Badger. Who can operate with or without be contact of other humans, and I put myself out there for for your benefit today, I’m sharing come to making myself ULM or bowling or Bowl than what I would like to be to share with you. Some things that I’ve gone through in my life and everybody listening to the show today, if you ever dealt with grief or bad things, have happened to you, guess what we’re all in that boat together I was. I was really do believe this. This is not a positive notable quotable that maybe you should write this down. We need to learn how to deal with terrible things in life, because it’s a hundred percent for sure going to happen. If you live long enough, something terrible is going to happen. We can we have to learn how to deal with it. We we can’t become fearful people that can’t deal with things because in life, bad things are going to happen to me. If you live long enough, bad things are going to happen. I’M going to read a list off to you if some of the bad things that happened to me and I’m going to give you all sorts of ample examples of horrible things that have happened to people throughout history in and hopefully this does make sense. So you know sickness sickness when your wife, sick, that’s not fun. You know when your wife has to have surgery, that’s not fun! When you’re, when your dadguys in a my dad died of ALS, Lou Gehrig’s disease awful Disease by the way, if you’ve ever know, some of you ever met somebody who’s going through this, I can’t explain to you how thankful they will be when you reach out and See if you can help, because when someone loses control over their body, but they’re mine still works, it is just the most awful thing to watch a terrific and it turns spouses, the Servite. You know into full-time nurses, it it just helping your father use the restroom. It’S just, I can explain to you how terrible that was in. Sometimes, I think about that. I think about what it’s like to try to help my dad use the restroom and then I also not kind of cuz, I’m kind of a funny guy. I think about what it was like having fun. He had to help me use the restroom as a little kid and it’s like full circle, and it’s just it’s just awful, and I just would not wish ALS on anybody. My best friend, you know, got killed in the car accident, the one guy that I could confide in and talk to you all. The time and house buddies with he got killed in a car accident, and I was the guy that I talk to all the time and the guy that I’m friends with Mark the petrous he passed away in a car accident and it happened. My son was actually born blind blind. You couldn’t see. I don’t even if you know that, but my son, Aubrey Napoleon Hill Clark was actually born blind and my wife actually wrote a book about the the situation on now. You can get that on Amazon called that now I see by Vanessa Clark, Vanessa, Clark and, and really it was not a good situation, I’m getting sued by an employee who fakes an injury. I don’t even know what that, before I deal with this crap all the time doctors on her was super nice and took on my wife and I in a bunch of people to the rodeo to go, see this professional bull riding and I’ve never seen that before And it was awesome, it was exciting, but I kept running into people that I have fired for being nefarious. What’S the word of the day, nefarious are you? Are you? Are you aware of the word nefarious? What that word mean if you want you to discover the definition of the word nefarious you’re, probably, is it a lot? Nefarious is basically intentionally Wicked or criminal. It’S it’s somebody who is evil or immoral there intentionally trying to create problems, and I can tell you what I was at the the bull riding event with dr. Z. I go to the bathroom. It’S like one of the chances that I’m going to run into a former employee there and in one who you know fake the bunch of things, a lot of allegations, a lot of BS, unbelievable, unbelievable, unbelievable. We have an employee who, actually, I said, hey we have this background, DJ connection.com, but one of our DJs today I really am not comfortable driving at night. Would you be willing to book a hotel for me to be a nice guy? I booked a nice hotel. I, like a four-star kind of a hotel for the person in this this. This employee brought guns into the room like they have loaded weapons that apparently they carry around in. They left them. On the on the bed and the Primitive, I went to go work out. The next morning, housekeeping comes in fines, just an arsenal of illegal weapons, in guess who they call because the rooms in whose name my name, an employee who was a really great, All Star employee, really doing a good job. And then I was asked by a major corporation to to send our video crew to go and a film a big of it for him, and we did. The video ographer did a great job filming, but the lead person that I entrusted to go do the event decided to just run up a massive tab at Caesars Palace and basically spend 3 days completely intoxicated and who has to take the fall for that. Does the employee or the employer the employer, so you been, though the video turned out well and that the customer was happy with the product I had to deal with this big Bill. I had to deal with all of the locations that resulted from the things this person was saying, while they’re in Las Vegas in this is just I mean this is just what’s happening to me right away. I’M sure, there’s other things happening to you. How about this fun move? How about when one of your employees doesn’t show up to work, but you, as the employer, have to jump on the the the the the grenade, because it’s your responsibility right? Is it not him? It’S your responsibility and then so you ask yourself cast, and I hire somebody incorrectly, that I make a wrong choice. Specifically of my situation. I had a top employee of Top member of a team person. I thought I could trust, and so I booked them on a on a wedding for a wedding that happened there at the Moose Lodge there, what 11 11th and Garnett in Tulsa, and rather than going to the event that they committed to go to, they pretended that They couldn’t find the place. Is it back before text messages? They said they couldn’t find the place. They said that a car problem, and so they never show up at the wedding. Could you imagine what that would feel like to have not have your entertainment to have your entertainment show up? It was like 2,000, what baby 1 mm mm they didn’t show up at the wedding it all. You didn’t show up at the wedding. So here I am getting sued by somebody, because the DJ didn’t show up at the wedding. I talked to the guy. Farrelly get ahold of the guy. He says he couldn’t find his it a car problem, XYZ all things, they’re, not verifiable things. I could not see things I could not verify and he was pulling heavily on the trust. We had a deposit, a lot in my love bank and he’s really making a huge withdrawal from that find. Out years later he went to a movie. He went to a movie skip someone’s wedding for a movie, and so what happened to lot of people with you, you kinda become reclusive, and you basically don’t participate in the world of business for fear that bad things are going to happen right, and so this is What Dale Carnegie would say to you, he says: if you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it, go out and get busy. He says if you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it, go out and get busy. So you want to start a business. I would highly recommend for you to get your tickets for our next in person. Drive time should I come workshops business coach teach you how to do it, but you got to get over this fear situation. That fear is just such a hindrance. Autistic sis, I want to give you some examples of of the bad things that are definitely going to happen to you. If you, if you stand for anything at all, if you, if you ever take a stand for anything at all here, instead of your values in a valueless world, if you ever take the high road, do you know if you ever Abraham Lincoln President Abraham Lincoln? He was shot to death while fighting for slavery didn’t go so well. For my main man, I’m sure he would have liked to live to an old age. He would have wanted to see. You know his family do well, but he didn’t Martin Luther King jr. shot to death while fighting for equality, Jesus Jesus killed at age 33. For what for doing the right thing right, Steve Jobs – I mean on the lighter level, Steve Jobs just fighting through nerd them and Flash technology flash was on every device flash last lashes, the kind of technology that Dobby created. If you don’t know what it is, don’t worry about it, but he was like attacked because he said is a stupid thing. It shouldn’t exist. We need to get rid of flash, so he can’t with the iPads that didn’t have flash. Everybody was saying to him where you’re crazy? Are you nuts what’s wrong with you Steve? I mean Larry and Sergey, where in surrogate is the guys who started Google that they made information easily findable for everybody us to order to do that or the index the internet? business coach They had to create their their their system their way if you, Google, Tulsa men’s haircuts, you’re going to discover that we’re topping Google, if you, Google, Tulsa PR firms you’re going to discover that we’re top in Google that’s elephant in the room and make her like that. Pic if you, Google, Tulsa mortgages, you’re going to discover that to business coach Steve Currington it stopping in Google and it’s not a lock thing. It’S not a luck thing. It’S just a thing of that’s how Google works and we know how Google works, and so therefore, if you’re, a business, coach, client or you come to the workshop will teach you specifically how to get the top of Google. What other people don’t like that they can’t be topping Google, and so they do? Is they they get upset with Larry and Sergey to get upset with Google to think it’s corrupt? That everybody’s website has the index to the same way and that this is how it should work. This isn’t how it does work up is it. This is how it should work and because they’re, emotional, Larry and Sergey deal with a lot of that crap is Google African are making it possible to navigate anywhere with their GPS system. It’S available on any phone right, Google Maps. However, the trade-off is, they have to ask for permission to know the location of your phone and it’s like a trade-off thing. It took.  business coach I don’t care what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t matter what you’re going to do with your life. I care. I care about we’re going to do in your life, but I don’t care what that choices you’re going to eventually have bad things happen to you in so you’re going to have to learn to deal with the terrible things in life that are a hundred percent guaranteed For sure going to happen, if you live long enough to play this audio clip for my a song that to One Republic wrote called fear, I’m going to play the song, I want you to listen to it and we come back we’re going to get into specifically My cyst for dealing with terrible bad not-so-good things in my system for green to do when we were children, we played in Adam mistreats, just dipped in feet. business coach Can we were children? We’D say that we don’t know the meaning of fear. Fear, Pier fear, fear fear, is such a big thing for people, and I want I want to play that song. I want to come in from the break with this song, because one Republican and put together song of Ryan Tedder essentially wrote this song and that he’s a he’s. A Tulsa guy he’s also guy went to college with Oral Roberts University, but the song is all about fear and he says when we were children. We play out in the streets just dipped in fate when we were children, we’d say that we don’t know the meaning of fear. How many of us, though, you don’t do things, because we just fear, we fear, will oh my gosh. What’S what could happen? What I might I might lose it all my business maybe make it I’m going to couraging you to run out there and in to make irrational decisions when I am encouraging you to do, is to understand that if you live long enough, you are definitely going to Have horrible things happen to you and if you made you missed it before the break, I was telling you about sickness in my family and my dad passing away of ALS my best friend being killed, my son being bored bored and blind constantly dealing with employees who Screw you over being sued, I could go on and on and I at the end of the day, I can just make a long list of all the very bad things that happened to me, but Dale Carnegie, the best-selling author of the book, How to Win Friends And Influence People he said happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions. It is governed by our mental attitude that that’s worth repeating, I’m at myself, one more time and, if someone’s trying to scramble to get a pin here. So let me, let me just got to be a pain in your suckers got to be a pain in here somewhere, we got big that persist. Happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions. It is governed by our mental attitude. That’S still Carnegie so Dale Carnegie is, is a best-selling author and he’s he’s telling you this little. This old temp, Abraham Lincoln, was shot to death for doing what for fighting for equality among the races for fighting for civil rights. Martin Luther King jr. was killed, wife or fighting for equality. Jesus was killed at the age 33. business coach For what being a very good guy, I mean Steve. Jobs was mercilessly attacked because he wanted the product to be awesome and so had to deal with mediocre idiots. Who happened to be on his payroll? Who refused to do things right, so we had to fire them so he’s known as a hot head or an intense person know he’s an enemy of average he’s an enemy of average. If you’re going to be successful, you have to raise the expectations that you have for your life, for your business, for your card for your website for your family, for your everything you got to raise the expectations, because Society will let you be mediocre when you can Do that right, where they’re going to stand up for anything great or believe in anything that, if you’re going to stand up for anything, I mean Aristotle want said he said. The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, say nothing and be nothing that era style I mean come on, so we got to do now. Is we got ta understand if you stand up for anything at all, you’re going to be persecuted so another exam? We don’t know you know the Bible, the Bible, why you always talk about the Bible? Are you forcing religion, honest? Will the Bible? Okay, this is on National Geographic. By the way over show notes, drivers. All of our show notes are now available for you at Thrive time. Show.Com, never tell you something or give you the statistic or a quote. business coach You can usually find all of them right there at Thrive time, show.com! That’S what we have so many people every day. business coach Thousands of people today visiting the site grabbing their quotes grabbing the downloads grabbing. The statistics will National Geographic, if you had an article called, how did the apostles die kind of a fun title for some late-night good put you to bed feel good Light reading. I encourage you to read the article called: how did the apostles die by National Geographic, Nelson, Sarah, it’s a it’s an article and in the article says that John was one of the only original disciples not to die a violent death, good job, good job. John Philip, though, was the first of Jesus’s disciples. He became a missionary in Asia. Eventually he traveled to the Egyptian city of. I don’t even know how to say at this point, but it’s a Helio Helio polis, where he was whipped and flog right as it sounds. So bad they was thrown into prison in Chrono. He crucified, that’s not good! That’S kneeling! Your hands probably hurts a little bit. Bartholomew preached Bartholomew preached in several countries, including India and long story short. He was skinned alive, skinned alive, just doesn’t sound good. Then they beheaded him. Oh that’s, nice, that’s nice, and then you had Thomas who preach the gospel and then he got murdered while being stabbed with a spear. What Lucy to get skinned alive. It seems like he had an awful kind of easy Matthew Matthew. This guy was stabbed in the back. I don’t know James I mean was killed by the hit him in the head with a club fattiest. You know this guy. He was crucified on he because Christmas, Simon, I mean Simon. He was crucified, I’m not go on and on time do it. What do I need to okay Judas? He hung himself, but you know the does. The whole thing is it’s usually if you stand up for something you’re not going to get a lot of positive edifying feedback from most people, I’m Matthew, 5:10. I’M going to give you Matthew. 5:10. So you never heard this verse before. Maybe you need this verse in your life because you’re going through something, if you, if you’re going through something you need this first Matthew 5:10, it says blessed, are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. business coach So today, as we’re talking about dealing with the terrible things in life that are a hundred percent sure for sure going to happen, I called this process grief g, r, r. We on the same page, I’m going to spell this out and then each of the letters stands for something right. It said so grief, grief, grief, start with cheap, you give yourself and in a lot of time, to deal with things something bad happens. You want to give yourself a healthy amount of time to deal with it, so I’m going to use my my father’s death from ALS as an example. Finding out that he had ALS was awful. I was in the Hummer and my dad called me, and he said he said son I’ve got a LS and knowing that your dad has a disease, that’s going to kill him. business coach The way that ALS kills people was awful, it was, it was not good, it was. I can’t tell you how bad I felt I can just say that I pulled over there and 96th and Riverside right past the toll booth. business coach There I pulled over and I just wept like a like a baby, because I love my dad and I didn’t. I don’t think anybody should die from that, obviously, but it just it just took it just punched me in the crotch and then it reached into my chest and ripped out my soul and that’s how I felt about it. But I had to G give myself been allotted amount of time, we’re talking about how to deal with grief as a business owner as a human G Eve got to give yourself in a lot of amount of time it is. I did that. business coach I reflected on the the Bible verse, Matthew 5:10, it says blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven and that’s how I dealt with it. I had to I to understand that it is not good, but he will be blessed and have nuts how I meant Elite result that, but you can’t pull back from life and refuse to talk to your dad for fear that he’s going to die or talk to Someone for fear that you’re going to lose that relationship not start a business for fear that it’s going to end badly. You can’t do that. That’S not that’s! Not what living is. You must live.  business coach My friend of the goes to live before you die, stay to the drive time show on the radio phones, you say coltrin the morning comes, you say I swear, I’m alright, Tulsa Oklahoma. America. Welcome back to the Thrive time show we have so many listeners from all over the world who email and questions, and I we had a lot of questions coming in from California, Australia, Florida lot of people wanting to know. Specifically. How do you deal with grief like how do you push through it on a human level? How do you push through, and I know some listeners have family and listen to the show? Quite a bit. You you’ll know these things, but on my father recently passed away from ALS just too awful Disease an awful way to go out just you know my my best friend was killed in a car accident. business coach My son was born blind and what’s your story, I mean you’re you’re going through something right. I mean everybody listening to play. Show me we’re all going through something at that. I am 100 % sure that if you live long enough terrible things are going to happen as we got to learn how to deal with grief, and so the G in our system, grok SOG, is first and we’ll do our next Jesus give herself in a lot Of them out of time, but you can’t you can’t on mint about something forever lament to the definition, means to express grief or to mourn. You just can’t do that forever. business coach You know I grew up as a kid stuttering. I was a stutterer, which means I couldn’t speak without interrupting Myself by saying the same syllable over and over again, so just going to walk in you through the mind of someone who stutters this is. This is what I remember. Is that a try to say something to him would say we don’t? What’S your name and I would say cook cook, and I couldn’t say it when you can’t say your own name, my name that everyone call me back in the day was Clayton rides. business coach You can’t say your own name, then people make fun of you most people, they shouldn’t do it, but they do they make fun of you. So is there making fun of you? You start to think. Oh, my gosh you’re, saying to yourself the inner dialogue you’re gone. I don’t have what it takes, I’m an idiot. I can’t do it and you start to get more and more stressed out in the one that went and so becomes this negative cycle, and so what you do is you have to decide? Are you ever going to even converse with people? I don’t know if it’s a byproduct of this for what, but I spent a copious amount of time. business coach I reinvested the time I probably spend talking to people drawing painting doing artwork. That kind of thing – and so I got really good at those things, some kind of like an artist first business guy. Second, that’s how I describe myself. I do the art forms first, and then business is second to tell if I describe myself, they true honest to the core. What am I all about? I would say it’s art first and business second, but but business allows me to fuel the pursuit of things that I’ve you to be artistic, but I will just go to share this with you is that I basically had to decide. business coach Am I going to give up on on speaking by ever like talking? Well, then, you know, obviously my mom forced me to go to speech pathologist, who taught me in overtime. I learned to speak well, but as an adult you know your mom’s, probably not forcing you to go out and date again I mean you got burned man, you went through a freaking divorce, it was terrible and you do everything right and then you know it just She cheated on you and you got to go out and date again man I mean you can’t just not ever date again right of me or maybe maybe you can’t maybe can’t make that’s what you want to do make that your life. business coach You know, maybe you had a business you started years ago and it failed and in maybe you maybe you just want to live inside a small income box and and not start a bit or maybe you’ve got to get out there and grow that business. You maybe you’ve got to. I don’t know what it is suck it up, get the courage. business coach Do the Google it find it to find the Thrive time show get yourself to a workshop on we’re here to help you, but you can’t what mint Express green for Timon about something in definitely, you eventually have to move move on and there’s a great book called Emotional intelligence by Daniel goleman, who is a clinical psychologist and one then one of the observations he makes, is that your your ability to be successful is directly related to Your Capacity, your emotional intelligence, your ability to get over things with the rebound from an adverse situations Quickly, you can be have a high IQ, which is your intelligence quotient, which is basically it. How are you score on standardized tests relative to your age? So you have a high IQ, so you go into the University of Tulsa you’re, a tu student. business coach Now, you’re no are used to cure you’re going to the Georgia Bulldogs with the full scholarship or you’ve got that’s great, I’m happy for you went to Boston College it the school. You got the full ride, but now in life. Something bad happened to you. You know you had sickness, you had your dad died of ALS. All your best friend was killed. Your son was born blind something awful happened and then, since that moment, you’ve never been able to really move on, because you just meant the the negative thoughts over and over expressing grief about the same thing.  business coach But what? If we go to fight his top entrepreneurs? Because we do with someone so much adversity every day, I’m in firing, someone like everyday, you know so everyday. I mean think about that. There’S hundreds of people, so someone gets fired almost every day. Every day, every day somebody expresses some sort of emotional situation, just as an example, we have music that we play overhead at are at, and I’ve chosen those songs, because I want them to be positive, upbeat, life-giving music and so because I’ve chosen those songs. Those songs are not necessarily what everybody else wants and therefore somebody might say why can we change the music and then I say just something simple like that and I’ll say no say no say: why are you open to new ideas, your business coach man, you and I say here’s the deal, the business exists to serve me and to serve our customers, and I want to create an upbeat and positive atmosphere, so you need to change the music and they just can’t handle emotional about it. business coach They just cannot move on it’s my business. So I can play whatever music. I want to play overhead, that’s how it works, but if you can’t move on from something like that, just a little disagreement with an employee and it stays in your head and Hunt. So you can’t do anything, let alone one that your father passes away or you’re going through something we didn’t learn how to do that. So the step number one Jeep you got to give yourself and allotted amount of time to deal with it. Now we move on to move number to move number to you want to reflect on what was lost. business coach You want to give yourself time to reflect them. What was lost? business coach  You want to sit down by yourself or with a group or in a therapy session or in the woods. I personally like to burn things. I want to burn that is opinion. Would I look at burned, Pinon, wood and anything else. That’S burnable! That’S not toxic! You know not no toxins, no toxins. I just burned like to burn things. business coach When I do I like to reflect on things that have happened, I like to ponder Too Deep dive into things, because you got to give yourself that time to regroup that time to rebound. You got to give yourself that time because you’re, a human, something bad happens, one keep yourself in a lot of them at a time, but two in that time reflect on what was lost reflect on the bad thing. That happened in really come to terms with how bad it was, how bad it is, get it all about their find out exactly how bad it was and if you’ve ever dealt with grief. You’Re Going to Love Today Show because this entire show was produced. business coach Just for you and drivers, just like you who are asked question, how do I deal with grief in my own life? My name is Clay Clark, I’m a business coach and my belief is that you too can learn how to deal with grief stay tuned. When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me speaking words of wisdom. Let it be. She is standing right in front of me speaking what other Universe it’s business school without the BS featuring optometrist turned entrepreneur dr. Robert zoellner with us SBA, entrepreneur of the Year clay exactly who you could be just hold on going home, just hold on going home Todd Dude just saw it all and all right Thrive Nation. business coach Welcome back to the conversation on Today Show we’re talking about how to deal with life when bad things happen how to deal with the terrible things in life that are a hundred percent for sure going to happen. If you live long enough, they’re definitely at you’re definitely live longer up somebody you know, and then I’m just not not speaking negative things over you. I understand the Power of Words. What I’m doing cuz, I’m just sharing with you, a fact that I in my life, have I’m only 36. Since I’ve dealt with my dad dying of ALS, I deal with my best friend being killed it with my son being born blind. business coach  I deal with the constant irritation of idiot employees of we hire somebody who’s, an idiot we’ve all that great people that work with us and I’ve also do with people who fake injuries to sue fake injuries, to get to sue, to sue a business, and I thought Still a lot of monsters, I meet at the workshops at a meeting of so many of you are buying your tickets right now for the September conference, and I’m telling you this event, we remodeled the place we redecorated, we move stuff around of date, more folks in This September event is going to be a game-changer. It go to thrive time, show.com right now, you can get your tickets on while they last get the tickets to the Thrive time. Show. business coach Come get your tickets to the September event, we’re going to soon probably move into. Maybe like a format where we do fewer of them and they’re slightly bigger, not super bigger, but not nuts, but they’re, definitely growing in size, and so we’re still figuring out how we’re going to deal with that. But here it here is the deal were talking to we’re talking today about a subject. So many people come up to me and asked me if the workshops they all say. I know your son was born blind. I know your dad died of ALS and I know your best friend was killed. I know you get sued all the time. business coach  How do you deal with one teaching you my proven system, my system, for how I deal with grief, so first off G give yourself in a lot of men of time. You want to give yourself enough time and space to limit limit means to express grief to mourn to just take in the Santas to handle whatever that looks like for you, for me, that involves burning things is what I like to do, but that move number to And you want to reflect on what was lost because something was lost. business coach Otherwise you wouldn’t have grief, you know, maybe it’s a spouse that cheated on you. I mean this is a business show. Are you talking about it? Will that could be something? That’S that’s impacting your business right now. It could be that with your top employee quit and stole the employees. I love. I love this. This is one of my favorite cereals. I love it when you have a former employee who stole your customers, who who literally example with DJ connection weed one guy who work for us who’s. Just a just did a great job as a DJ, and he just couldn’t be on time. He just couldn’t be accountable, he couldn’t be honest, and so we had to fire the guy. So we fire the guy and when we do fire the guy, he does what he starts his own company. Absolutely that’s the move. You start your own company, so he starts his own company to compete with us and why? Because he has a a knowledge of the business, he has no other discernible skills right. So he starts a business. business coach But yet the people who work in your own freaking office continue to have fellowship with him because he’s their friend through friend, but he was fired for unethical reason. Everybody saw his unethical actions but because I don’t know, I’m somebody who judges People based upon what they do not based on what they say. business coach They’Re going to do. You know him referred the best selling user Henry Ford him. He sorts, introduce the the best-selling Model. T car that he created Ford Motors, he says he says it’s hard to build a reputation based upon what you’re going to do this it’s hard to go to reputation based upon what you’re going to do. So I fire are the guy based on what he did. Not based on what he said he was going to do and then, when you fire the person, what happens if you end up irritating people who are loyal to a dysfunctional relationship? So now in your office, you have a people who still work for you who continue to hang out with the person that you fired and they act like it’s a mean to me. It’S no! No. I disagree with that. I am totally your when are y’all out black or white: that’s the click Clark philosophy towards life. I will burn Bridges to create some distance because there’s certain people that just they cannot be in your circle and it’s unbelievable to me. The Top members of your team can’t understand that. So then you have people on your team who have sore that passive-aggressive. Almost a coup, you know if they’re trying to passively aggressively continue the legacy of jackassery and that crap happens all the time it’s up for me, that’s the stuff that happens all the time, and so you have to find a way to grief and to get through It, and once you give yourself time with an orange reflective what was lost, I’m going to give you a notable cord with a comes. business coach It comes in hot from the Bible, the Bible from the Bible, the radio, disc band, certain people, okay, I’ll read it just quietly. It’Ll be between you and me, and anybody who shares this podcast, okay, that that’s gold. It will keep it between you and me in the hundreds of thousands of people who download the podcast every Marcus for theirs. Is the Kingdom of Heaven Matthew 5:10. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven Matthew, 5:10, so Ecclesiastes, chapter 3? What’S the final stop doing that? Okay? This is what it says in Chapter 3 of Ecclesiastes. business coach This is everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven, a time to be born and a time to time to die a time to plant. Yes, I love Green Thumb a time to pluck that which is planted A Time to Kill what yeah you know, how to be. Another Moses killed, kill the guy Moses black guy. He didn’t do it, though, when God told him that was before God told him to kill things calm down with me, there’s a time we have to protect the country right, there’s, there’s a there’s a time, there’s a time that you made many people are offended by The constant for some reason that America has to have a massive nuclear Arsenal, so we can give a blasty Blast. 2 people like North Korea. If we had two in the point of having a big military is so you don’t have to give a big blasty blast to North Korea, the point of having a massive military is that you hopefully never have to use it, and if you have an insane amount Of weaponry when people won’t mess with you, it’s like the beware of dog sign. You know the guy’s, a big dog, crazy, huge dog, sign, says: beware of dog, I don’t know most people are going out. business coach Probably don’t want to break into that house. It’S just not worth the effort, because you know there’s a big dog and I just Beware of the Dog, but somebody that they think it’s unethical to have a big dog where they have me weapon Arsenal. They think they know it looks like North Korea threaten us and in you know what see if they did see, if we can all get together and let’s just be calm about Guam and if he does blast them and we’ll just try to coach him up. business coach Let’S actually give tax dollars to terrorists to help them improve their economic situation, so they don’t become terrorists, dum, dum, dum, dum, dum, it’s black or white. If you can’t get it just, you need to put your head in the toilet, hit the flash make it to wear off and just kind of deal with that. So then, there’s a time there’s a time to weep and a time to laugh a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to Cast Away stones at time to gather Stones together, good cuz, I’m a good stonecat a time to embrace it a time To refrain from embracing a time to get a time to lose what time, to keep for the time to Cast Away a time to Rend and a time to sew a time to keep silence in a time to speak. Somebody needs to write that down. business coach There’S a time to love and a time to hate a time to hate what a time of War at a time of Peace. What prophet has he that worketh in wherein he laborious? I have seen the anyway goes on on just just just check it out. Read the verse the blow your mind, Ecclesiastes chapter 3, and so, if you’re on the planet, Earth and you own a business, you are going to be screwed. It’S going to happen. business coach Bad things are going to happen to you, they’re definitely going to happen when they do. You got to get oh, you got to get to a place where you just let it be. You just got to get to a place where you can or you can step one. You can give yourself the amount of time you need, but then our you’ve got to reflect on what was lost and you got to find a way to do that on a weekly basis, so way too kind of heel away to become whole. Do you feel like you’re full of holes, you have to have a time where you come together to feel whole and that’s what hopefully, with this radio show, is for some of you to it’s a place of encouragement and a place of practical training. business coach We want to quit you to be successful and you can find the the outline of Today Show in all the notable quotables and all the downloadable is available for free at Thrive time. Show.Com. All the transcripts are all up there Thrive time, show.com so go up. There check it out and I just encourage you to be comfortable with letting it be. Let it go whatever is bothering you find a way to let it go you just you’re bigger than that. It’S time to move on become better, don’t don’t don’t be bitter. It’S time to move on when I find myself in times of trouble Mother, she is standing right in front of me speaking words of wisdom. business coach Let it be let it be. The song faces. The song Here Comes the Sun that it’s alright Nation. Welcome back into the conversation today, we are talking about grief and how to deal with grief if you’re just tuning in you definitely want to go to the podcast, to download today’s broadcast to to hear the podcast version again and to get the show notes. Cuz, a lot of lot of knowledge bombs were dropping everywhere. So whenever you have a bad thing happen to you, you just understand that this is not unique. business coach My father died of ALS. My best friend was killed. My son was born blind and what are you doing with your probably going to yeah? Well, you know what I’m going to want happy. I’M dealing with. I got like a crazy rash and I’ve got one eye that doesn’t even open and then I I I have like a cholesterol problem and my hair is falling out and I’m not good at sales, so in-your-face mr. radio show host. I have it worse than you. Well, okay, maybe you do and that’s okay, but that’s not what we’re talking about turn it up each other on on on Grievances and issues and in maladies and prongs are going to talk about how to deal with it. So many entrepreneurs have come up to me at our workshops and said: hey, you and z are positive, everyday, your positive everyday. How do you do it? Well, one is doctors. He preaches the gospel of of Showtime, which means when you come to work, you got to leave your problem to the door and get it done. You just got to deliver. You got if you can’t deliver. People have a low emotional intelligence people to have a low. It’S called EQ, but your remote low, emotional intelligence. They don’t do well in and it doesn’t matter how higher IQ is. If you know everything, but you just can’t emotionally keep your crap together, it’s tough, and so you just you, can’t do well in the world of business and some teaching you the specific moves that will help you to rebound from tough situations when they come because they’re Going to happen so move number ones you want to give yourself give yourself an amount of time to deal with it. Give yourself in allotted amount of time, decide write down on paper. This is how much time I’m going to get myself to deal with it to reflect on what was Los. It’S super important that you know what was lost. You can’t just move on and say: oh my God moving, I think about what did you lose and how does how should you maybe treat life differently now as a result of that as a result of of knowing what was lost? How should you maybe approach life differently now, perhaps maybe nothing at all? Maybe you just keep doing what you’ve always done, because you’ve been doing the right way and – and you don’t have any regrets, but some people tell me that they, whenever they have a breakdown, they didn’t have a breakthrough where they discover they win big North spending time. The right way there miss allocating time, knowing that now time is, is limited, knowing that they just lost a dear friend or a dear person, her life. Now they realize how precious life is. When I understand that this is in fact the day of the Lord has made and that they should rejoice and be glad in it at some people tell me that after they’d gone through a tough situation, that is then, when they realize that this is the day. The Lord has made – and they should rejoice and be glad in it, but before that time it’s kind of well there’s other time available. I’Ll get that later. You know that kind of Think and Grow Rich author who’s, the best selling author of all time before Jack Canfield, snuck snuck, in on the in a Pulliam Hill Foundation and sold 123 million copies of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books. The books, you probably were given that book as a gift you probably haven’t, read it. That’S probably how I perceived, as you probably have a Chicken Soup for the Soul book, but you probably haven’t read it yet: that’s usually how that that purchase happens there, but Napoleon Hill every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or Greater benefit to read it again: every adversity, every failure, every heartache, carries with it the seat of an equal or greater benefit. So whenever you’re going through a tough situation, you don’t view it as though this is actually a curse. I actually think that’s not a curse. At all, I think it’s actually something you should be thankful for, because this is part of your history and it’s going. This is going to your going to be able to empathize with somebody. The future will encourage somebody else. You know some people, so many people tell me as a business coach clay. It’S like you and have been to every scenario. So many people, if you Google, Thrive time, show reviews. And can you read the reviews of our workshops – Hillside man, it’s amazing, like you, guys, have helped so many different Industries and I go yes. This is this is true, but how do I know that? Because between the sea and I we built 13 multimillion-dollar companies, and so we we know how to do it. It’S not an industry dependent thing. It’S in that you can do, but you have got to be a coachable and approachable and we would not know how to help you if we hadn’t personally have gone through it, we’ve gone through it which allows us to teach it. So that’s just something to think about you learn from mentors or mistakes. By the way our book is available for free to download. It’S called the start here. Book start here. It is absolutely free for you to start here book and it is. It is phenomenal and we spent years putting this together traveling all around the world interviewing some of the top entrepreneurs on the planet to put the star deer, the book together there for you and it’s free, you can get it right now. Are you just going to drive time show.com and get it you just give it time show.com someone should write that down. You got to go to thrive time, show.com to download your free start here what’s available for you now, the third step in grieving. Is you got to identify learning opportunities? You’Ve got it. You got to figure that out right, you got to sit right down as a result of what you’re going through. What can you learn and I’ll? Just give you an example for my life, when my father got sick with ALS, I identified that I was very happy with the amount of time I had spent with my dad before he got sick. I don’t have any regrets in that regard. I feel like I. I called him when I said I would call him. I stayed in touch, I did the things I try to help him move to Tulsa, so we could be closer to us actually hired him. I did what I feel like. I should have done someone else’s. We, you should have done more and why aren’t you more involved – and I would say to that person who cares, because I don’t care what you think it’s me I care about what I think in about what God good God thinks. So I feel very good about that. Will then then then I start thinking bout. You know what I am spinning, though too much time with people that I don’t like. I am spending too much time as a 35 year old man with people that I don’t like. I’M so I’m just tired of seeing them, I’m tired of talking to them. I’M tired of communicating with these people, I’m certain people. So what I wanted to do. That was very intentional. I wrote down a list and my goal was to burn Bridges to create distance, because that’s a that’s a that’s the thing, that’s a kind of concept. I wanted to burn Bridges with certain people, so I wouldn’t have to see them again. I wanted to just let them know in an unnerving direct way that I am done with the conversations I’m done with the passive aggressive attacks. I’M done with the visits I’m done with the phone calls I’m done with the insincere holidays, I’m done with those people, because those people do not add any value to my life or my kid’s life, and they take time away from me and what matters which is Spending time with my family, in pursuing my life song, my life dream my life, which is the produce Audio Excellence every single day to help you get to where you want to go because I’ve done it with my businesses, and I could do two hours a day. I could take time out of my schedule, 2 to 3 hours a day to prep in the two hours a day to broadcast about 5 hours a day. I’Ve got you on my mind and I decided that that’s not going to do so. I’M going to be no longer available to certain people who are not deserving of my time. People don’t deserve my time, just as I just as a byproduct of being born. They don’t deserve your time by the way, just as there a byproduct of being born just get someone’s born doesn’t mean that they now need to. You need to be available to these people at all times. You don’t you don’t need to do that. In fact, what you need to do is you need to make a list right now make a list Ghost Ship paper in on one side of paper, two columns by the room columns, my phone, I’m sure you can use your phone fine you’re at just sketch. What about a crayon? Can I use a crown you can use whatever you want to do to write this down, but make a good paper and make a call and on the left side right down people who help you? Who are you? You love people who love you positive relationships? The wind wins another agent. For you help them. They help you. Things are good, that’s that’s the main make a list of those people and, on the other side, make a list of people that are not in that category. People who are kind of Allegiance, they’re riding on your coattails. They want to invest in you because of your previous successes. business coach Put the first sign of adversity. There. Make a list of the people that want to team up with you, because it’s a good opportunity, but as soon as you are not in that position, there. Make a list of the doubters, the people who don’t faith and doubt can’t coexist by the way. So if you have any doubt at all, you know, then you can’t have any faith or doubt either one A or B make a list of the people who passively aggressively do things different than differently than you ask them to do in the office. You tell them to do something and they do it differently in every way. It’S a good to give to fight everyday all day, just to get stuff done because of these people make a list of the people that don’t honor your time. The people that show up consistently late and can’t seem to figure out how that bothers you they just are consistent. We all get late, occasionally right, but that’s their consisted thing make a list of people who love to show up unannounced all the time and they love to take things. And then they really make a list of the people who are the leeches and make a list of the people who are the great people, the people who helped you in your times of need – and I ain’t so in my dad – you know – is going through his Situation with ls, I made my list and I decided that I was going to get G. You want to give yourself time right or you want to reflect. You want to reflect on what was lost now the next. The next part. I you want to identify the learning. Opportunities are broke down this learning opportunities. This is what I learned from this situation. business coach I thought employees steal from me a lot of people steal from you. I’Ve had equipment stolen from me. A lot of equipment has been stolen from me, but what I do, every single time is IG. What what I do. I give myself time reflect, write a reflective what was lost then I I I identify learning opportunities right. business coach  And then I move on to my next step, which is you want to edify the people the deserving people involved? Do you want to edify the deserving people? Because I never something a tragedy happens. There’S an evitable e, a good person out there, who has also been a part of that story in I want to thank them for being the good person. This is a is this a encourage, encourage these people? You want to let him know like hey, you are doing an awesome job and for your benefit, I just want to let you know how much character you have and how much I value your character and it away your kind of coaching them up to continue doing That kind of behavior your ear, if you’re, coaching, that printer you’re celebrating that you’re saying, business coach I really do appreciate you being that kind of person in my life. But you need to make sure that during those times that you do edify the people, you coach up the people that are involved in that story and tell them. Thank you and we come back we’re going to break down more about how to deal with grief, because grief is a tough situation and in business I think it business emotionally. You have to get very, very good at dealing with people betraying you, people lying people, cheating people, stealing unicorn, the US Chamber of Commerce in CBS News, if you, Google, this 75 % of employees steal from the workplace and most do so repeatedly. So if you’re a business owner and you have to have a high tolerance and in a high emotional intelligence Clark, you listen to the Thrive time show stay tuned. I need you, I need you, I need you right now yeah. I need you right now. So, don’t let me don’t let me down, I think, I’m losing my Play-Doh. Don’T let me down down Sashay in a swimsuit every place. I go through so Jaden people all around, but among my head stopped ticking ticking. The phone number hand Rings all day long 5 months. Now I try to pretend that it’s like, oh, oh, oh, baby, all right! Welcome back to the Thrive time, show on your radio in today not to take the room down, but we are talking about a subject that impacts each and every person listening today and it’s his concept of how do you get over grief? For how do you get through grief? How do you press on and continue to move towards the achievement of your goals, wild dealing with difficult situations that that happened, and I think a lot of the drivers know this? If you listen to the show lot, you probably know these things, but here just some examples like with my own life, are we had sickness in my immediate family, my father passed away a little bit less than a year ago of ALS. business coach If you know anybody who’s gone through that it’s not a pleasant experience, my best friend was killed. Actually right when I was starting my business, so in my dorm room it wasn’t a deal. We had a conversation saying hey when when is a good time for you to have an unplanned death took the wind out of my sales on my son was born blind. I can go on I’m being sued. I feel sitting right now. What about a key employee that just quit and goes and works for another business may be a competitor. I mean just those the Greek. How do you get over those situations, and so I’m going to give you the proven plan. This is the system that I use. I’M going to break him down here, for is, if you’re, just turning in move number. One is G. You want to give yourself and allotted amount of time. No Marshall Morris is on the show at this today and he is a he’s, a business coach and he sees clients that get caught up in the emotion. He almost can’t move on because they’re still reflecting upon the employee who quit or the bad situation or being sued and some Marshall, I’m going to read you a notable quotable and a definition, know what you two kind of break it down for okay. So this is the notable quotable from Dale Carnegie Dale Carnegie, the best-selling author of How to Win Friends and Influence People. He also wrote the book called How to stop worrying and how to stop how to start living, how to stop worrying and start living. He says in action breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, Do not sit home and think about it, go out and get busy, so Marshall people need to grieve. They need to be able to let let the sympathy out that need to be able to sort of, let others other sympathize for them. business coach They need to be able to feel bad to cry it out as it were, but they also have to move on. So talk to me about the given give give yourself the allotted amount of time as an entrepreneur. How long would you are you really allowed to give yourself I’m how many days off? business coach Can you give yourself when something bad happens, so what you got to do? Is you got to get your business to a place where you’re actually not the one operating it, and I understand for anybody? That’S listening right now in your like I’m the one actually selling the service, I’m the one, that’s operating the service or selling the product. That’S really hard, but you know for me to do right now, and I understand that. Okay, I’m just being blunt about this, but if you were in that situation, you have to be able to give yourself in a lot of amount of time in that time cannot be nearly as long as somebody who has a business. That’S not dependent upon that! That’S right, and so once you’re not in it, you can give yourself more time, but it ends over working towards that. But let’s say that you don’t. Let’S give the example. If you were the one actually operating the business you’ve got to set aside, I would say maybe a day. Okay, give yourself in put all of your grief into that day. Don’T think about the business. This is the trouble. It’S not necessarily the amount of time. It’S the concentrated amount of time where you’re allowing yourself to grieve, because I think a lot of business owners they get caught up and I need to grieve. business coach But I can’t stop thinking about my business in one thing that I did. It was really hard to do but Woodland. My son was born blind as well as in my father, got diagnosed with ALS both times I really during. They gave myself no time to grieve or deal with it, but on the way home. But before I got home I would allow myself to feel that way, so I almost blocked it out and I get a lot of my inspiration from Sports. I love watching sports, but you know Brett Favre’s, our father passed away and he played like the next day and a game and he just dominated and then after the game is when all of the the tears came out, and so I am courage. Ug give yourself an allotted amount of time now. Are you want to reflect on what was lost, that you don’t want to get into a situation where you don’t reflect on what was lost or become calloused? business coach  I mean when I lost my father to alsu. Don’T want to go well that was it moving on. Okay, that you got to give yourself time to reflect on what was lost, and I think about it. I put it into the calendar of specific time hey. This is time where I’m going to think about this, and I’m just going to give you a verse from Ecclesiastes chapter 3 and if you are going through something guess what we’re all on that team everybody’s coming through something I mean if you’re, if you’re not going Through something I don’t know who you are, if you’re, if you’re, if you’re going through a breakup you’re going through at employee screwing you over your getting sued, you have someone who’s, sick, you’ve got someone who was born blind and your family. Your father is going to terminal illness, doesn’t matter what you’re going through all going through something, but you got to reflect on what was lost to tell me to give you a verse from Ecclesiastes chapter 3, where it says to everything. There is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven, a time to be born and a time to die a time to plant and a time to pluck that which is planted A Time to Kill whoa, whoa, calm down and a time to heal. A time to break down and a time to build up a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to Cast Away stones and a time to gather Stones together, Marshall there’s a time for everything. Yeah is it season for everything sing right now and I’ve never designed my calendar. I’Ve never designed my day. How do you structure your day because, obviously you know you go through things like everybody else? How do you structure your day in and your day right now? Where would you deal with stuff? That was maybe a personal, not good think. So. This is how you got to structure your day. First of all, you’ve got it identify your six different areas of your life, your F6 life, your faith, your family, your finances, your friendships, your fitness and fun, and throughout the entire week you must schedule time for all of those items. Now, let’s see if you’re dealing with something you’re grieving in family, you got to identify where, in your day, you can do that. For me, I would grieve most at the end of the day. business coach Okay, I would Reeve most so. Therefore, I have to front load my day with everything that I need to get done so that after work, I understand that I don’t have to go in and follow up on a bunch of work-related items at end of my day, that’s when I’m going to set Aside time to grieve identify learning opportunities in we come back to talk more about this notable quotable from Napoleon Hill but says every adversity. Every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed of an equal or greater benefit. Think about that Mike Clark check out Thrive time. Show.Com so subscribe today for the podcast. You will love it. She’Ll be the morning laughing to prove. You were wiser than night. I’M just pretending Perfection. I’M flying uncomfortably High, get music on phone. It feels like I’m old. It feels like I’m full welcome to the Thrive time show on talk. Radio 1170 wasted all that time on. You lyrics tell me how the time you think I’m going to take you back baby girl. business coach You got another thing coming and you can you alone stop calling my phone cuz, I’m just going to hit the red button. Funny hear your voice cuz, I’m just going to hit the deal with an exciting topic, not a sex topic, not a six. It’S not a top of did something with right. I mean everybody, myself included body again, everybody every human is going to go through these on sexy moments in life, where you – and I just was telling you from my own life. What happened was my father passed away from ALS, not good? My son was born blind, doesn’t make you feel good when that happens. Good things supposed to happen to good people got kicked out of college. That’S probably could you made some bad choices? That’S true. business coach I definitely signed an honor code, which is an agreement coming operations manual to attend Oral Roberts University, and I subsequently broke most of the honor code everyday. So I would just encourage you to not sign the honor code to go to Oral Roberts University. If you do, if you don’t have the religious beliefs or the worldview needed to go there, I am now a Christian I’ve been on the Christian team. I’Ve joined the Christian team on the other side of my son’s, a miraculous healing, but before that I was not in so I kind of knew knew the Christian team. You know kind of a new player. I don’t like it a lot of game. Timex, I’m not a player. You can count on I’m not I’m not a pastor, I’m not a guy. business coach Who is, I don’t understand how it works yet, but I am a guy who is definitely been on the on the Christian team here for bleeding sincerely, probably for now 10 years, essentially and so I’ll, go through things that right do we do not. business coach We all go through things we all getting kicked out of college or where ghetto sick or dad as ALS or we’re going through a my best friend dying we’ve all going through something if you haven’t you’re, probably sleeping like an isolated bubble where you don’t encounter adversity. Put that he did that eventually, you’d probably have atrophy from not moving your body, so we can. I said the word body again so we’re talking about is how do you had to grieve? business coach How do you deal with these bad situations? It happens as a business owner you’re going to deal with adversity, often you’re, going to deal with adversity on a consistent basis, you’re going to be dealing with a lot of rejection. So how do you do it? Well, here’s my method, I’m teaching it to you right now, G give yourself in a lot of time to deal with adversity, so I like to give myself 5 minutes total. 5. That’S the that’s amount of time I like to get myself total to deal with any situation ever 5 minutes maximum. I do not lament on things, maybe, if you’re listening here today and you’re like I’ll, have to let no man takes my favorite thing to do with lamenting is basically where you’re talking about something in your kind of cathartically, almost therapeutically kind of explain how you feel And how they feel about how you feel, how do you feel about how they feel and that’s in it’s? Okay, if that’s what you want to do, I just I don’t really do that, but I you want to give yourself time. I get myself 5 minutes now. business coach The second thing you want to do is you want to this is driver how to make sure you write these down. Okay, this is very important that everybody does that’s. Okay, someone give yourself time to reflect on what was lost. You know what I just move on and go well, I washed everything and I probably okay, let’s get back to know, you want to figure out what what did you lose? What did you, what what’s the Lost? Why do you feel the way you feel you want to reflect them? What was lost? Another third move here? The third move is what you want to do. Is you want to identify learning opportunities? It’S so important that you identify you know. What can you learn as a result of this information as a result of what you’re going through? What can you? What can you learn? The next step is you want to edify the edify? business coach The deserving people know what was that mean edify, the word edify. The definition means to instruct or inform in a way that improve the mind or character. So what you want to do is you want to say: okay, okay, maybe there maybe I feel bad because of my my girlfriend left me and she cheated on me unless I feel bad. So you give yourself time you reflect on it. You did if I learning opportunities going well, maybe I probably shouldn’t date women that I met at such-and-such a location who have such and such a background. Maybe those are in Key performance indicators that maybe I shouldn’t be pursuing that kind of person and then, if possible, you know you want to edify, so it may be explained to her hate in the future. Should you want to have a healthy relationship? Maybe you don’t want to cheat on me. These are things or maybe they’re, not deserving cuz. You want to edify the deserving people involved. Maybe you don’t need you tell if at all, maybe you’re just done, maybe there’s no edification that can have made it. Maybe there’s a training, no one can learn from that. Maybe that’s maybe that’s you know what you can learn. Maybe what you can learn is that it’s time to just move on firmly commit to move on, and it’s only came into her. business coach The break is called red button by Mike Posner and he’s talking about how he’s dating this girl and he’s dating this to this lady. You know before he got signed his big record contract and she sort of disappeared on him, but all the sudden when he got signed when he got his big deal and now she comes back and if she wants to be have a relationship with him now cuz, Then we successful so what he does is he hits the red button and the red button is the is the no answer button. You know you have a permission to do that, throws you have permission to do that you can say not available. You know you can block people from your phone, you can block people from your email. You can do that and I would highly recommend that that’s what a lot of people do. I think it’s important that you, if you block people out of your life and I going to before the break, I make a list of people that that encourage you that push you to be better. That love you, that are there for you that, and I make a list of people that just really only do every time they come over. They only talk about how the weather is bad, how they feel bad, how the economy’s bad? How are things bad? Those people just the negative nancys, no no offense to Nancy’s, probably up negative Nick okay. Well, how was your Friday was terrible, the economy, terrible the weather’s, terrible that it was terrible. You don’t want to be around those people right. So what you want to do is you want to firmly commit to moving on, and sometimes that means moving on with people. In fact, I would argue that, most of the time, the issues that we have is humans, that we can control our our based on our decisions to continue to hang out with people that bring us down. They bring the bring us down to the bottom down. Like four flat tires down like Australia, down like a basement down like an elevator going down, they bring us down and you want to cut those people out of your life or at least minimize the time you spend with those people and that’s why I move move Number f, f, move the fgr teaching the Greek method hear the final move is f. Letter is firmly commit to move on firmly commit to make that decision, because Martin Luther King says this, and this is a notable quotable from Martin Luther King jr., this famous Civil Rights leader. He has this quotable, for he says he says: Darkness cannot drive out Darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that and sometimes you just have to move on you to shine a little light, but you got to move on to a new room. It’S just too dark. They too, and it’s a DriveTime, show on your radio. Tell him that sounds that’s why I tell him. I changed it, I’m not in the Nativity Story, get ready to enter the Thrive time show I want to especially dedicate this song to anybody. Who’S ever worked at a QuikTrip convenience store. Anyone who’s ever worked a 24-hour shift. Anybody who has ever worked on a holiday. We thank you for making Tulsa a great place to live QuikTrip. We Salute You every single time. I guess no hesitation. My decision is fast. I go to the gas station Taj Mahal a place where you could truly have it. You can have it for retail, about to cook so clean that can boost your ego and that’s just the tip of the iceberg and people. There know how to work their entire workflow blows my mind. I want to pay them just to. Let me pay them all this time. It is great. What’S Quick Trip itself in QuikTrip reasons, he just said the same thing twice I just left, so I can get away with it drive Nation. Welcome back in the conversation today show we’ve been talking about grief and how to deal with grief and in specific and breaking down the steps that I use that allow me to navigate to the tricky Waters of Entrepreneurship, because so much of your experiences and Entrepreneurship is It is felt, is a involves, rejection and involves being told no, it didn’t Volve somebody saying no to on a sales call. It involves an investor saying know it involves being rejected over and over and over it. Eventually, you have to decide whether you have to have the tenacity needed to win. If you do have the tenacity, then then then go get them. If you don’t have the tenacity, then you probably shouldn’t be an entrepreneur, because entrepreneurship is it’s a good. You can be a little challenging. I would just say that I enjoy entrepreneurship, but it’s definitely like playing the football. It’S like playing professional, tackle football of business example. I was terrible and high school at football. I was terrible. I didn’t play at all in my senior year. I was in great shape physically and I talked to some guys or I go. You should come out to the team. You should try out, you should do it, so you know, because I could physically lift a lot of weight and because I was physically in good shape. I thought well, here’s the deal I’ll go, try out for the team and and then let’s go make it happen. When we need to try out for the team – and you do well on your 40-yard dash in your bench press and all those sort of combine sort of things, then you can do the field you can’t of the field. It’S entirely different and you’re playing the game of football, and I’m I will tell you tackle. Football is a brutal sport. I love watching the sport, but I playing this for, and I mean it’s just I was getting sore thinking about it. I mean it’s just it would ever playing football, and I got called into the game to play tight end and the coach called up a Play that involve me and say: you’re run to this spot in the field. And then you turn to the right. And then you just get knocked knocked out, you just get smashed and some guys ready to tackle you and that’s ready. I mean did linebacker he’s like an angry guy, I’m sure he’s going to prom with his mom or his dad, or some personal grievance he’s found the transmute his bitterness in to betterness and so he’s exploding on you hitting you as though you are the problem. You are the source of his life problems and it’s not fun, and so, if you’re playing the game of football, you got to be ready to be tackled. If you have an entrepreneur, you’ve got to learn to deal with grief or getting over things we can. We can say today shows about getting over things, because if you are human and you are actively engaged in a business or running a business, I hundred percent guarantee that terrible things are going to happen to you. For me, I’ve been sued countless time. Mc Dowell my dad got sick and passed away from ALS. My son was born blind and my best friend was killed. I got kicked out of college, but what’s your story? What are you dealing with right when you’re probably dealing with something worse than I’m, dealing with split step number one? If you want to G okay, so kind of Point Jeep we want to do, is you want to go ahead and give yourself an allotted amount of time to get over it? It’S not natural or healthy to get over stuff immediately. So don’t feel bad if it takes you awhile step number two: is you want to reflect on what was lost? I personally like to get myself about 5 minutes to get over stuff, because I just hate lamenting and in marinating and talking about things that I can’t control in fact, Matthew 5:10. Instructs us from the Bible from the! Why do you always Court? The Bible? The Bible says: blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness for theirs? Is the kingdom of heaven so they’re going through something? It’S probably you know who I mean things just happen, but also, if you stand up for anything at all, you’re going to be attacked. So just understand that you’ll probably get a really nice Hondo in heaven, a type of streets of gold, and you know it having supposed to be a great place. You know I don’t know what happens going to be like, but I’m I’m sure they have a great condos with a pool that you don’t have to you can use whenever you want. It’S always maintained. There’S not that weird guy at the pool is always giving you the weird. I you know that weird I like you’ve been watching. You swim cuz. He is there’s not that weird guy that set to my voice and it’s probably limited ice cream. You can pull the ice cream. You want, it’s probably like a fat free ice cream, but not a fat-free ice cream that contains aspartame, which is a chemical that my wife is informed me causes cancer, so actually makes you healthy. That’S what the Blessed shall inherit the Kingdom of Heaven understand that segment of the Moon number three. Is you identify learning opportunities? Typically, your breakthrough is come after a breakdown, so make sure do you identify your your your breakthrough? What am I going to learn from this? What am I going to learn from this situation? Number for edify the people involved, the defy the deserving people involved. The deserving people involve somebody want to be fired from your life. You know some people just need to be planted. Some people need to be kicked out. Some people need to be told no someone to be blocked on your phone. Some people need to be blocked on the text message. Do you know some people need to be blocked on Facebook? Let’S be real, I mean. Do you unfriend feature that too cool be to be unfriended in so the deserving people not a defy game from the definition? This is the definition from Webster Webster, as he has a dictionary and he’s so big deal, instructive or informative in a way that in provide that that improves the mind or characters is instructive or informative in a way that improves the mind or care cuz. That’S what edify mean edifying somebody? Some people don’t need to deserve. They did they favor deposit or Nothing To Love bank. They mean enough to you, it’s it’s good to call and let’s go ahead and meet and let’s, let’s at a file, it’s coach you up. What’S help you improve, the situation doesn’t happen again. Number 5. Is you want to firmly commit to move on? You can’t just be beating yourself up over and over and over and thinking that somehow things are going to get better. Things are not going to get better. Just by default, you’ve got to find a the mindset in the end of the force of will to firmly commit to move on. You can’t sit there and talk about some of that happened to you two years ago. I know your business failed and I know it sucks. I know you feel bad about it, but the thing is, you have to move on. You got to move on, you can’t dwell on the past. Successful people are future-focused and solution minded again. I repeat: successful people are future-focused in solution minded one more successful people successful people are focused and solution might directions to talk about their problems over and over to me feel about how you feel about how they feel. Who cares? We got to move on move number. Six, this is Uber time of grief. Okay, so we’ve gone over the grief, never move it on. You want to be intentional, but who has access to you? You can’t just let anybody reach out to you know. I ran to the author best-selling author of Atlas, Shrugged The Fountainhead as she writes. Everyone has the right to make his own decision, but none has the right to force his decision on others, there’s just certain people that don’t get it and they just want to keep staying in touch with you, although you’re, not friends, and although they don’t work for You and although just get them out of your life punt hit the exit button back in the day will be the old Cingular cellphone hit the red button block these people casely. It’S important that you do that. No move! Number 7 and you’ve got to understand that you’re just going to have to let it be you got to, let it be you’ve got to, let it be because if you don’t let it be what’s going to happen, is you are going to find yourself? I’M frustrated because you can’t control it, but you keep thinking about it. You just got to let it be, and I encourage you to listen to the song, let it be over and over and over and over until your brain explodes Paul. Mccartney did a great job in the Beatles, the modern philosophers to Beatles to the great job running the song. Let It Be Who Am I dad passed away? I listen to the song, let it be all of the time in the fun of you every day as a gift. Psalms. 118:24. Instructs us. It says this is the day that the Lord has made. I shall rejoice and be glad in it. Is this the day the Lord has made, we will rejoice and be glad in it with me. This is the day that the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it or another example of Steve Jobs. Who’S, not in the Bible, is the most important tool I’ve encountered to help me make the big choices in life, almost everything all external expectations, all Pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure. These things just fail away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important to remember that you’re going to die the best way. I know to avoid the Trap of thinking. Do you have something to lose your already naked? There’S no reason not to follow your heart. No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there and it def is the destination we all share. My name is Clay. Clark go to thrive time, show.com and begin designing the life that you want today book your tickets for the September Workshop right now, when I find myself in times of trouble talks to me speaking, Let It Bebroadcasting live from the center of the universe. It’S business school without the BS featuring optometrist turned entrepreneur. Dr. Robert zoellner with us SBA entrepreneur of the Year clay Clark. Welcome to the Thrive time show on talk. Radio 1170 show on your radio. Typically, I start the show we, we start the radio shows, with kind of upbeat, introduction and Assam Holly, motivational or music, that’s kind of kind of Stir It Up and bring some entertainment to the to the conversation. But today I feel like it was inappropriate to start the radio show with her normal Hype music, because today we’re talking about a subject that is the subject. A lot of drivers have asked me about personally, at our Workshop. That kind of pulled me aside and they’ve said hit you. How do you? How do you deal with life? You know when, when bad things, happenhow, do you deal with these these terrible things that happen? How do you do it cuz? If you want to learn how to build a successful company doctors on – and I can definitely teach you how to do that – it’s not that hard between he and I we built 13 multimillion-dollar companies and you can do it too. So if you want to learn how to do it, get out to our workshop and we will teach – you specifically had to do that, but there’s there’s their life that happens beyond that. There’S there’s life to tap into the business, the whole point of a business. This is to build a company or a system organization that serves you at least that’s what are our world and so for elephant in the room. You know I mean that the company is doing very well and it pays me a great income and I’m very happy for it. I mean I’m very thankful for it, but how do you deal with with life? I mean: how do you deal with the stuff? That happens outside of the business. You know once you have the financial Freedom, the time, Freedom. How do you deal with with sicknesshow? Do you? How do you deal with? Knowing that your dad, I’m just telling you my personal examples, I’m going put myself out there and the Only Rule is that you can’t you can’t make fun of me. You can you can you can just don’t make fun of me, because I buy used to stutter as a kid and when you stutter is a kid people love to make fun of you, and so I have kind of become sort of an American Honey Badger. Who can operate with or without be contact of other humans, and I put myself out there for for your benefit today, I’m sharing come to making myself ULM or bowling or Bowl than what I would like to be to share with you. Some things that I’ve gone through in my life and everybody listening to the show today, if you ever dealt with griefor bad things, have happened to you, guess what we’re all in that boat together I was. I was really do believe this. This is not a positive notable quotable that maybe you should write this down. We need to learn how to deal with terrible things in life, because it’s a hundred percent for sure going to happen. If you live long enough, something terrible is going to happen. We can we have to learn how to deal with it. We we can’t become fearful people that can’t deal with things because in life, bad things are going to happen to me. If you live long enough, bad things are going to happen. I’M going to read a list off to you if some of the bad things that happened to me and I’m going to give you all sorts of ample examples of horrible things that have happened to people throughout history in and hopefully this this makes sense. So you know sickness sickness when your wife, sick, that’s not fun. You know when your wife has to have surgery, that’s not fun! When you’re, when your dadguys in a my dad died of ALS, Lou Gehrig’s disease awful Disease by the way, if you’ve ever know, some of you ever met somebody who’s going through this, I can’t explain to you how thankful they will be when you reach out and See if you can help, because when someone loses control over their body, but they’re mine still works, it is just the most awful thing to watch a terrific and it turns spouses, the Servite. You know into full-time nurses, it it just helping your your father use the restroom it’s just. I can explain to you how terrible that was in. Sometimes, I think about that. I think about what it’s like to try to help my dad use the restroom, and then I also not kind of cuz, I’m kind of a funny guy. I think about what it was like having fun. He had to help me use the restroom as a little kid and it’s like full circle, and it’s just it’s just awful and I just would not wish a less on anybody. My best friend, you know, got killed in a car accident, the one guy that I could confide in and talk to you all. The time and house buddies with he got killed in a car accident, and I was the guy that I talk to all the time and the guy that I’m friends with Mark the petrous he passed away in a car accident and it happened. My son was actually born blind blind. You couldn’t see out of you everything you need to know that, but my son, Aubrey Napoleon Hill Clark, was actually born blind and, in my wife, actually wrote a book about the the situation on now. You can get that on Amazon called that now I see by Vanessa Clark, Vanessa, Clark and, and really it was not a good situation, I’m getting sued by an employee who fakes an injury. I don’t even know what that, before I deal with this crap all the time doctors on her was super nice and took on my wife and I in a bunch of people to the rodeo to go, see this professional bull riding and I’ve never seen that before And it was awesome, it was exciting, but I kept running into people that I have fired for being nefarious. What’S the word of the day, nefarious are you? Are you? Are you aware of the word nefarious? What that word mean if you want you to discover the definition of the word nefarious you’re, probably, is it a lot? Nefarious is basically intentionally Wicked or criminal. It’S it’s somebody who is evil or immoral there intentionally trying to create problems, and I can tell you what I was at the the bull riding event with dr. Z. I go to the bathroom, it’s like what are the chances that I’m going to run into a former employee there and in one who you know fake the bunch of things, a lot of allegations, a lot of BS, unbelievable, unbelievable, unbelievable. We have an employee who, actually, I said, hey, we have this background, DJ connection.com, but one of our DJ’s today I really am not comfortable driving at night. Would you be willing to book a hotel for me to be a nice guy? I booked a nice hotel like a four-star kind of a hotel for the person in this this. This employee brought guns into the room like they have loaded weapons that apparently they carry around in. They left them on the on the bed and the Primitive. I went to go work out the next morning. Housekeeping comes and finds just an arsenal of illegal weapons in guess who they call because the rooms in whose name my name, an employee who was a really great, All Star employee, really doing a good job. And then I was asked by a major corporation to to send our video crew to go and a film a big of it for him, and we did. The video ographer did a great job filming, but the lead person that I entrusted to go do the event decided to just run up a massive tab at Caesars Palace and basically spend 3 days completely intoxicated and who has to take the fall for that. Does the employee or the employer the employer, so you been, though the video turned out well and that the customer was happy with the product I had to deal with this big Bill. I had to deal with all of the locations that resulted from the things this person was saying, while they’re in Las Vegas in this is just I mean this is just what’s happening to me right away. I’M sure, there’s other things happening to you. How about this fun move? How about when one of your employees doesn’t show up to work, but you, as the employer, have to jump on the the the the the grenade, because it’s your responsibility right? Is it not him? It’S your responsibility and then so you ask yourself cast, and I hire somebody incorrectly, that I make a wrong choice. Specifically of my situation. I had a top employee of Top member of a team person. I thought I could trust, and so I booked them on a on a wedding for a wedding that happened there at the Moose Lodge there, what 11 11th and Garnett in Tulsa, and rather than going to the event that they committed to go to, they pretended that They couldn’t find the place. Is it back before text messages? They said they couldn’t find the place. They said that a car problem, and so they never show up at the wedding. Could you imagine what that would feel like to have not have your entertainment to have your entertainment show up? It was like 2,000, what baby 1 mm mm they didn’t show up at the wedding it all. You didn’t show up at the wedding. So here I am getting sued by somebody, because the DJ didn’t show up at the wedding. I talked to the guy. Farrelly get ahold of the guy. He says he couldn’t find his it a car problem, XYZ all things, they’re, not verifiable things. I could not see things I could not verify and he was pulling heavily on the trust. We had a deposit, a lot in my love bank and he’s really making a huge withdrawal from that find. Out years later he went to a movie. He went to a movie skip someone’s wedding for a movie, and so what happened to lot of people with you, you kinda become reclusive, and you basically don’t participate in the world of business for fear that bad things are going to happen right, and so this is What Dale Carnegie would say to you, he says: if you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it, go out and get busy. He says if you want to conquer fear, don’t sit home and think about it, go out and get busy. So you want to start a business. I would highly recommend for you to get your tickets for our next in person. Drive time should I come workshops will teach you how to do it, but you got to get over this fear situation. That fear is just such a hindrance. Autistic sis, I want to give you some examples of of the bad things that are definitely going to happen to you. If you, if you stand for anything at all, if you, if you ever take a stand for anything at all here, instead of your values in a valueless world, if you ever take the high road, do you know if you ever Abraham Lincoln President Abraham Lincoln? He was shot to death while fighting for slavery didn’t go so well. For my main man, I’m sure he would have liked to live to an old age. He would have wanted to see. You know his family do well, but he didn’t Martin Luther King jr. shot to death while fighting for equality, Jesus Jesus killed at age 33. For what for doing the right thing right, Steve Jobs – I mean on the lighter level, Steve Jobs just fighting through nerd them and Flash technology flash was on every device flash last lashes, the kind of technology that Dobby created. If you don’t know what it is, don’t worry about it, but he was like attacked because he said is a stupid thing. It shouldn’t exist. We need to get rid of flash, so he can’t with the iPads that didn’t have flash. Everybody was saying to him where you’re crazy? Are you nuts what’s wrong with you Steve? I mean Larry and Sergey, where in surrogate is the guys who started Google that they made information easily findable for everybody us to order to do that or the index the internet? They had to create their their their system their way if you, Google, Tulsa men’s haircuts, you’re going to discover that we’re topping Google, if you, Google, Tulsa PR firms you’re going to discover that wear top in Google elephant in the room in and make her like that. Pic if you, Google, Tulsa mortgages, you’re going to discover that to Steve Currington it stopping in Google and it’s not a thing. It’S not a luck thing. It’S just a thing of that’s how Google works and we know how Google works, and so therefore, if you’re, a business, coach, client or you come to the workshop will teach you specifically how to get the top of Google. What other people don’t like that they can’t be topping Google, and so they do? Is they they get upset with Larry and Sergey to get upset with Google to think it’s corrupt? That everybody’s website has the index to the same way and that this is how it should work. This isn’t how it does work up is it. This is how it should work and because their emotional, Larry and Sergey deal with a lot of that crap is Google African are making it possible to navigate anywhere with their GPS system. It’S available on any phone right, Google Maps. However, the trade-off is, they have to ask for permission to know the location of your phone and it’s like a trade-off thing. It took. I don’t care what you want to do with your life. It doesn’t matter what you’re going to do with your life. I care. I care about we’re going to do in your life, but I don’t care what that choice as you’re going to eventually have bad things happen to you in so you’re going to have to learn to deal with the terrible things in life that are a hundred percent Guaranteed for sure going to happen, if you live long enough to play this audio clip for my a song that to One Republic wrote called fear, I’m going to play the song, I want you to listen to it and we come back we’re going to get into Specifically my sis for dealing with terrible bad not-so-good things in my system for green to do when we were children, we played in Adam mistreats, just dipped in feet. Can we were children? We’D say that we don’t know the meaning of fear. Fear, Pier fear, fear fear, is such a big thing for people, and I want I want to play that song. I want to come in from the break with this song, because one Republican and put together song of Ryan Tedder essentially wrote this song and that he’s a he’s. A Tulsa guy he’s also got went to college with Oral Roberts University, but the song is all about fear and he says when we were children. We play out in the streets just dipped in fate when we were children, we’d say that we don’t know the meaning of fear. How many of us, though, you don’t do things, because we just fear, we fear, will oh my gosh. What’S what could happen? What I might I might lose it all my business maybe make it I’m going to couraging you to run out there and in to make irrational decisions when I am encouraging you to do, is to understand that if you live long enough, you are definitely going to Have horrible things happen to you and if you made you missed it before the break, I was telling you about sickness in my family and my dad passing away of ALS my best friend being killed, my son being bored bored and blind constantly dealing with employees who Screw you over being sued, I could go on and on and I at the end of the day, I can just make a long list of all the very bad things that happened to me, but Dale Carnegie, the best-selling author of the book, How to Win Friends And Influence People he said happiness doesn’t depend on any external conditions. It is governed by our mental attitude that that’s worth repeating, I’m at myself, one more time and, if someone’s trying to scramble to get a pin here. So let me, let me just got to be a pain in your suckers got to be a pain in here somewhere we got big that persist happiness. Does it depend on any external conditions? It is governed by our mental attitude. That’S still Carnegie so Dale Carnegie is, is a best-selling author and he’s he’s telling you this little. This old temp, Abraham Lincoln, was shot to death for doing what for fighting for equality among the races for fighting for civil rights. Martin Luther King jr. was killed, wife or fighting for equality. Jesus was killed at the age 33. For what being a very good guy, I mean Steve. Jobs was mercilessly attacked because he wanted the product to be awesome and so had to deal with mediocre idiots. Who happened to be on his payroll? Who refused to do things right, so we had to fire them so he’s known as a hot head or an intense person know he’s an enemy of average he’s an enemy of average. If you’re going to be successful, you have to raise the expectations that you have for your life, for your business, for your card for your website for your family, for your everything you got to raise the expectations, because Society will let you be mediocre when you can Do that right, where they’re going to stand up for anything great or believe in anything that, if you’re going to stand up for anything, I mean Aristotle want said he said. The only way to avoid criticism is to do nothing, say nothing and be nothing that era style I mean come on, so we got to do now. Is we got ta understand if you stand up for anything at all, you’re going to be persecuted so another exam? We don’t know you know the Bible, the Bible, why you always talk about the Bible? Are you forcing a religion? Honest? Will the Bible? Okay, this is on National Geographic by the way and it over show notes drivers. All of our show notes are now available for you at Thrive time. Show.Com, never tell you something or give you the statistic or a quote. You can usually find all of them right there at Thrive time, show.com! That’S what we have so many people every day. Thousands of people today visiting the site grabbing their quotes grabbing the downloads grabbing. The statistics will National Geographic, if you had an article called, how did the apostles die kind of a fun title for some late-night good put you to bed feel good Light reading. I encourage you to read the article called: how did the apostles die by National Geographic, Nelson, Sarah, it’s a it’s an article and in the article says that John was one of the only original disciples not to die a violent death, good job, good job. John Philip, though, was the first of Jesus’s disciples. He became a missionary in Asia. Eventually he traveled to the Egyptian city of. I don’t even know how to say at this point, but it’s a Helio Helio polis, where he was whipped and flog right as it sounds. So bad they was thrown into prison in Chrono. He crucified, that’s not good! That’S kneeling! Your hands probably hurts a little bit. Bartholomew preached Bartholomew preached in several countries, including India and long story short. He was skinned alive, skinned alive, just doesn’t sound good. Then they beheaded him. Oh that’s, nice, that’s nice, and then you had Thomas who preach the gospel, and then he got murdered while being stabbed with a spear. What Lucy to get skinned alive. It seems like he had off kind of easy Matthew, Matthew. This guy was stabbed in the back. I don’t know James I mean was killed by the hit him in the head with a club fattiest. You know this guy. He was crucified on he because Christmas, Simon, I mean Simon. He was crucified, I’m not go on and on time do I need to okay Judas. He hung himself, but you know the does. The whole thing is it’s usually if you stand up for something you’re not going to get a lot of positive edifying feedback from most people, I’m Matthew, 5:10. I’M going to give you Matthew. 5:10. So you never heard this verse before. Maybe you need this verse in your life because you’re going through something, if you, if you’re going through something you need this first Matthew 5:10, it says blessed, are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. So today, as we’re talking about dealing with the terrible things in life that are a hundred percent sure for sure going to happen, I called this process grief g, r, r. We on the same page, I’m going to spell this out and then each of the letters stands for something right. It said so grief grief, great start with cheap. You give yourself and in a lot of time, to deal with things something bad happens. You want to give yourself a healthy amount of time to deal with it, so I’m going to use my my father’s death from ALS as an example. Finding out that he had ALS was awful. I was in the Hummer and my dad called me, and he said he said: Sun I’ve got a LS and knowing that your dad has a disease, that’s going to kill him the way that a less kills people was awful. It was. It was not good. It was, I can’t tell you how bad I felt I can just say that I pulled over there and 96th and Riverside right past the toll booth. There I pulled over and I just wept like a like a baby, because I love my dad and I didn’t. I don’t think anybody should die from that, obviously, but it just it just took it just punched me in the crotch and then it reached into my chest and ripped out my soul and that’s how I felt about it. But I had to G give myself been allotted amount of time we’re talking about how to deal with grief as a business owner. Is it humid G Eve got to give yourself in a lot of amount of time it is. I did that I reflected on the the Bible verse, Matthew 5:10, it says blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven and that’s how I dealt with it. I had to I to understand that it is not good, but he will be blessed and have nuts how I meant Elite resolve that. But you can’t pull back from life and refuse to talk to your dad for fear that he’s going to die or talk to someone for fear that you’re going to lose that relationship. You are not start a business for fear that it’s going to end badly. You can’t do that, that’s not that’s! Not what living is. You must live. My friend of the goes to live before you die station to DriveTime show on the radio phones you say coltrin the morning comes. You say I swear, I’m alright, Tulsa Oklahoma. America. Welcome back to the Thrive time show we have so many listeners from all over the world who email in questions, and I we had a lot of questions coming in from California, Australia, Florida lot of people wanting to know. Specifically. How do you deal with grief like how do you push through it on a human level? How do you push through, and I know some listeners have family and listen to the show? Quite a bit. You you’ll know these things, but on my father recently passed away from ALS just too awful Disease an awful way to go out just you know my my best friend was killed in a car accident. My son was born blind and what’s your story, I mean you’re you’re going through something right. I mean everybody listening to play. Show me we’re all going through something at that. I am 100 % sure that if you live long enough terrible things are going to happen as we got to learn how to deal with grief, and so the G in our system, grok Shoji, is first and we’ll do our next Jesus give herself in a lot Of them out of time, but you can’t you can’t On mint about something forever lament to the definition means to express grief or to mourn. You just can’t do that forever. You know I grew up as a kid stuttering. I was a stutterer, which means I couldn’t speak without interrupting Myself by saying the same syllable over and over again, so just going to walk in you through the mind of someone who stutters this is. This is what I remember. Is that a try to say something to him would say we don’t? What’S your name and I would say cook cook, and I couldn’t say it when you can’t say your own name, my name that everyone call me back in the day was Clayton rides. You can’t say your own name, then people make fun of you most people, they shouldn’t do it, but they do they make fun of you. So is there making fun of you? You start to think. Oh, my gosh you’re, saying to yourself the inner dialogue you’re gone. I don’t, I don’t have what it takes, I’m an idiot, I can’t do it and you start to get more and more stressed out in the one that went and so becomes this negative cycle, and so what you do is you have to decide? Are you ever going to even converse with people? I don’t know if it’s a byproduct of this for what, but I spent a copious amount of time. I reinvested the time I probably spend talking to people drawing painting doing artwork. That kind of thing – and so I got really good at those things, some kind of like an artist first business guy. Second, that’s how I describe myself. I do the art forms first, and then business is second to tell if I describe myself, they true honest to the core. What am I all about? I would say it’s art first and business second, but but business allows me to fuel the pursuit of things that I’ve you to be artistic, but I will just go to share this with you is that I basically had to decide. Am I going to give up on on speaking by ever like talking? Well, then, you know, obviously my mom forced me to go to speech pathologist, who taught me in overtime. I learned to speak well, but as an adult you know your mom’s, probably not forcing you to go out and date again I mean you got burned man, you went through a freaking divorce, it was terrible and you do everything right and then you know it just She cheated on you and you got to go out and date again man I mean you can’t just not ever date again right of me or maybe maybe you can’t maybe can’t make that’s what you want to do make that your life. You know, maybe you had a business you started years ago and it failed and in maybe you maybe you just want to live inside a small income box and and not start a bit or maybe you’ve got to get out there and grow that business. You maybe you’ve got to. I don’t know what it is suck it up, get the courage. Do the Google it find it to find the Thrive time show get yourself to a workshop on we’re here to help you, but you can’t what mint Express green for Timon about something indefinitely. You eventually have to move move on and there’s a great book called emotional intelligence by Daniel goleman, who is a clinical psychologist and one then one of the observations he makes is that your your ability to be successful is directly related to Your Capacity, your emotional intelligence. Your ability to get over things with the rebound from an adverse situations quickly, you can be have a high IQ, which is your intelligence quotient, which is basically it. How are you score on standardized tests relative to your age? So you have a high IQ, so you go into the University of Tulsa you’re, a tu student. Now you’re no are used to cure you’re going to the Georgia Bulldogs with the full scholarship or you’ve got that’s great, I’m happy for you went to Boston College. It. The school you got the full ride, but now in life something bad happened to you. You know you had sickness, you had your dad died of ALS. All your best friend was killed. Your son was born blind something awful happened and then, since that moment, you’ve never been able to really move on, because you just meant the the negative thoughts over and over expressing grief about the same thing. But what? If we go to fight his top entrepreneurs? Because we do with someone so much adversity every day, I’m in firing, someone like everyday, you know so everyday. I mean think about that. There’S hundreds of people, so someone gets fired almost every day. Every day, every day somebody expresses some sort of emotional situation, just as an example, we have music that we play overhead at are at, and I’ve chosen those songs, because I want them to be positive, upbeat, life-giving music and so because I’ve chosen those songs. Those songs are not necessarily what everybody else wants and therefore somebody might say why can we change the music and then I say just something simple like that and I’ll say no say no say: why are you open to new ideas, your business coach man, you and I say here’s the deal, the business exists to serve me and to serve our customers, and I want to create an upbeat and positive atmosphere, so you need to change the music and they just can’t handle emotional about it. They just cannot move on it’s my business. So I can play whatever music. I want to play overhead, that’s how it works, but if you can’t move on from something like that, just a little disagreement with an employee and it stays in your head and Hunt. So you can’t do anything, let alone one that your father passes away or you’re going through something we didn’t learn how to do that. So the step number one Jeep you got to give yourself and allotted amount of time to deal with it. Now we move on to move number to move number to you want to reflect on what was lost. You want to give yourself time to reflect them. What was lost? You want to sit down by yourself or with a group or in a therapy session or in the woods. I personally like to burn things. I want to burn that is opinion. Would I look at burnt Pinon, wood and anything else? That’S burnable! That’S not toxic! You know not no toxins, no toxins. I just burned like to burn things. When I do I like to reflect on things that have happened, I like to ponder Too Deep dive into things, because you got to give yourself that time to regroup that time to rebound. You got to give yourself that time because you’re, a human, something bad happens, one keep yourself in a lot of them at a time, but two in that time reflect on what was lost reflect on the bad thing. That happened in really come to terms with how bad it was, how bad it is get it all out. There find out exactly how bad it was and if you’ve ever dealt with grief. You’Re Going to Love Today Show because this entire sh